So… I was trying meet up with a new couple to hang out tonight while J is out of town. She’s not one for meeting and hanging with couples like I am. Everything looked like it was set until the matter of my ethnicity came up. When the gentleman found out I was Black all plans got canceled. Wow. What a sucker punch. I was not prepared for that at all. Things were going fine, communication wise. Then that happened. Since then I’ve been sad, angry, confused, and very not me. I haven’t been able to concentrate or anything around here and I didn’t go out at all, not even to have a drink at a bar. Instead I stayed home, grabbed a Philly cheesesteak, and drank whatever beer I could find in the house. At this point, there one bottle left not counting the Budweisers that I would never drink. Just saw on Twitter that the former dinner plans are dressing up for a night on the town. *sigh* I need more drinks or I just need to forget this day.
Flood of emotions this morning and I hate it. Found out yesterday that they’re taking my team away from me and I will definitely be working for either my old director again or another one very soon. I really don’t know how to feel. It’s almost like a free agent in sports. I’m happy to still have a job and it’s nice to feel wanted. Maybe I should just stop right there. Everything else is just complaining and scenario making. If I’m being honest. The unknown… it’s such a powerful adversary.
Had lunch with Sunni yesterday. After Jordan’s revelation this past weekend of having a “type” I found myself reassuring her that it’s OK. Maybe it’s because I also have a type. Although I may lust after different type of women, I think my type is simple, earthy, people pleasing, introverted yet passionate, family-oriented women. I see a lot of Jordan in Sunni. I shared that with her and I think that help leveled the creepy factor that she may have experienced but not shared. I don’t know what I’m doing. We might meet up at the art festival this weekend. Might be interesting to get her together with Jordan. It also might blow up in my face.
Today’s the first day back in the home office after being out in the field for seven weeks. I feel like a kid who just returned from summer camp and is dealing with being home. Everything is dreary and dull. There has been changes since I left: some people changed offices, an admin left, and our CIO is “officially” no longer with us. It’s going to be a long day and I’m already hearing the bitching of a project manager to her boss outside my space. I haven’t turned on my computer even though I’ve been here 25 minutes. I’m just framing a new movie poster. Hi Charlize. This Atomic Blonde poster is now staring at my blank computer screen.
What a contrasting weekend. Physically it was great. Friday night and Sunday morning was full of sweetness. Yesterday Jordan, my wife, actually initiated. Meanwhile, my mind keeps wandering to this new friendship with Sunni. I’m not trying to do anything stupid. I just find her so fascinating and interesting. And that smile… wow, that smile. I have more AMA’s for her if she’s game. I’ve already texted her a Bitmoji but did not get a response.
Alright, let me try to do some work.